Your words aren't just words.

Photo by Rosie Hardy

Pukul 02.25 pagi.

Seharusnya saya sedang menggambar sekarang. Seharusnya. Tapi nyatanya saya justru sibuk scrolling Twitter sambil menangis. Kenapa?

Jadi saya tidak sengaja baca di timeline ada salah satu fansite master dari band yang saya suka yang kemarin bunuh diri. Bayangkan, she's only 15... Lima belas tahun. So young. Some said she was bullied for her appearance. Not by her classmate, but by her own mother. 

Saya yang penasaran kemudian mencari akunnya. Nggak nemu sih, mungkin udah dihapus keluarganya atau gimana. Tapi saya masih bisa baca mentions orang-orang ke dia dari awal Januari. And i feel even sadder because the signs are clearly there.

Berhubung akunnya dihapus, saya nggak bisa baca original tweetnya. Tapi dari jawaban orang-orang yang mention dia, jelas banget dia sering mengeluh for being ugly and useless and such. And people tried to convince her that she's not. That what her mother said was wrong. That she's loved. That the fandom is her family and they will always support her. That she's not alone.

I know this feeling better than anybody. I know how it feels like to be destroyed by words. But she's just too young... I feel really sad  about this that I started crying. I just want to mourn for her poor soul. The pain must have been unbearable.

On her last note, she said this: 

"I ask you to understand that what I did was for my best, my peace is in death and not in life. I did not want to leave them, but the blade insists on piercing my skin and I do not have the strength to hold it (...) I'm sorry, I'm weak. I was weak. 

Do not give up on your dream. Keep running. Do not stop. Society overcame me, but DO NOT LET THEM DO IT WITH YOU."

Sekali lagi saya nggak bisa berhenti menekankan bahwa kata-katamu bukan hanya SEKEDAR kata-kata.

Your words aren't just words. They can make or break people.

Berhematlah dalam mencaci hal-hal yang belum kamu mengerti. Berucaplah yang baik. Respect other people's pain.

Jangan beranggapan bahwa ngomong kasar, mencaci seenak udel under the disguise of a joke adalah hal yang edgy. Yang keren.

No. It's not.

And yes, your word has the power to hurt someone to the point of breaking them.

Some people are lucky enough to survive, but some others are not.

You may be strong, but not all people like you. So, please be gentle with your words.

Do not be the reason of someone losing their self-esteem.

Do not be a dream ruiner.

Please, be kind. We're all just humans.